You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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