I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
