Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Who died my cat blue again?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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