I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
