I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
