She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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