Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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