Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
