do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
false alarm, still single
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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