oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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