I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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