Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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