i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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