they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
