My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
