and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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