we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
