I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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