I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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