Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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