What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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