How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
