oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
