Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
