So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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