I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
