I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
