There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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