i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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