You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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