why didn't you poke me back
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
