i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just gargled with NyQuil
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
