and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
