Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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