Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
