I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
