Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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