Yo dont text me then not text me
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Randomize
