Kiss
Puke
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
