Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
