ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Is it penis luge time yet?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
