hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
