it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
