you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
