well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Just puked most of my soul out..
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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