I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
