I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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