I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
