Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
