Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
